


can't get over the way you love me like you do

by supersonicmen



Series: freddie mercury & jim hutton [6]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Jimercury - Fandom, Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Husbands, Late at Night, Love, M/M, Mercury and Me, Panic Attacks, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, freddie is upset, i reference his 39th bday more than once, it all ends up okay as usual, jimercury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersonicmen/pseuds/supersonicmen
Summary: After coming home to an empty Garden Lodge, Jim gets a call from Brian.or: Freddie has an anxiety attack at the studio, and Jim does his best to comfort him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (TW for the story: anxiety & panicking / panic attacks. please DO NOT read if this is something that will upset you.)  
> \---  
> hi!!! i've been so insecure about my writing lately and everything seems to be coming up with really short word counts so i'm sorry about that - but i do really hope you like this story, it's quite personal to me as I struggle a lot with anxiety, so it wasn't too difficult to put myself in the same spot as i was writing! anyway I hope that you like what you read! thanks for taking the time to read this, love you all!!

“Freddie?” Jim’s voice echoes through the lodge. When he receives no response he glances at his watch. It’s a bit late, but he isn’t too worried as he knows how long recording sessions can go on, especially in the midst of creating an album with Fred. 

He contemplates waiting to eat until he arrives back, but hearing the growl in his stomach ultimately decides against it. After heating up some of last night’s meal he settles down on the sofa, noting the strangeness of being in the Lodge without Freddie. It’s a bit eerie honestly — he’s still not used to living in a four million pound mansion, let alone being in it all by himself. Jim never really counts the cats as actual people, (but he sure as hell would never mention that to Fred.) 

He’s nearly finished his plate when the telephone rings (and scares him half to death.) He paces over to pick it up, glancing up at the time showing on the clock. 

“Jim? It’s Brian, I’m sorry to call you —” He’s sputtering out words at a fast pace and Jim knows right away that something has got to be wrong. He can’t even recall the last time any one of the boys have called to talk to him. 

Before he can get any more out Jim’s interrupting him, “Are you with Freddie? Is everything alright?” As he’s questioning him he’s got a million thoughts running through his mind. 

“Yeah, yeah we’re at the studio, Freddie’s upset — got into an argument but now he’s panicking, it’s worse than I’ve seen in a while… I think you should come down.”

He doesn’t even think for a split second before speaking into the phone. “I’ll be right there, I’m leaving now.” 

Not even bothering to mutter any more words to Brian, he completely misses when he tosses the phone back somewhere toward its base. He’s only got one thing occupying his mind and body right now, everything is just screaming Freddie. Get to Freddie. 

He’s rushing to the kitchen, grabbing his shoes off the floor and balancing on either leg as he shoves them on, not wasting a minute to tie the laces. He would already be out the door if he could find the damn car keys. As he’s rummaging through the drawer he usually throws them in he can’t help but remember the last time he witnessed Freddie in a panicked state. It was his thirty-ninth birthday party, someone had spiked his drink a few moments before he was set to blow out the candles on the cake. By the time they had found him, Freddie was sat curled up on the floor, with crowd of worried people gathered near him. Jim curses out loud at the memories flooding into his mind, he had hoped he would never see Fred like that again. 

———

He arrives there in record time, and as soon as he’s out of the car he hears Roger’s voice calling out to him. Jim doesn’t even comprehend his words, he’s just walking past him to get to Freddie as soon as possible. 

As soon as he spots him, all the emotions from his birthday party come back instantly. Jim feels his heart drop from his chest at the sight. His throat goes dry and he stops in his tracks at the doorway. He has to admit he more than hoped he would arrive and everything would be normal, but now the reality of it all has set in — and honestly Jim is so overwhelmed. 

Freddie’s sat on the floor next to the desk, his hands over his face, breathing heavily as Brian rubs circles over his back. He looks so small, and Jim feels his eyes begin to water as he sees him curled up with his neck arched and his knees brought close to his body. When Brian finally notices him he quickly stands up from his spot and walks past Jim to join the others and wait. 

He immediately paces over, aware that Freddie has no idea it’s him as his face is still hid behind his shaky hands. His mind is racing and his sense of logic had fled, so he’s doing the first thing that flashes through his mind. He quietly takes a seat on the floor next to him. Knowing his voice might fail him, instead of speaking he presses light feathery kisses to the side of the other mans face, at the same time moving the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears streaking down Fred’s cheeks. 

“Hello my dear.” Jim whispers finally, almost breathless. Freddie stills and quickly moves his hands to grasp onto any part of Jim he can find. His eyes are shut tightly and Jim sighs, knowing he’s feeling embarrassed by his current vulnerable state. 

Suddenly there’s an influx of emotion washing over him, the only recognizable feeling being Freddie’s hands gripping onto his wrist that’s sat atop his crossed legs — his familiar touch may very well be the only thing keeping him sane at this very moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again!!! so this chapter came about late last night/early today and I'm actually pretty happy with the way it turned out!!! it's quite poetic - which is one of my strong suits lol. Also there's TONS of feelings in this, mostly from Jim's perspective. Next chapter (yeah I'm not sure how many there's gonna be now lol) will focus a lot more on Fred, if everything goes as I've planned hahaha. I'm really trying to dive deep into their emotions, which on the surface seems maybe quite weird to do in the midst of Freddie's panicked state? But from my own experiences, one of the best times, most raw and honest times is in the midst of overwhelming emotion! it's in those moments that I somehow find my best and most real thoughts - I like to think i'm not the only one! That's sort of some background to my thought process while writing this!! I hope you enjoy it!!!

Freddie’s breathing is unsteady, he’s taking in sharp and ragged gasps of air in between soft muffled sobs — currently Jim’s using every bit of his self control to refrain from bursting out into tears himself. 

The moment is incredibly raw and every second that goes by he knows that they’re one step closer to it being over. But Jim also knows that Freddie is doing everything in his own power to stop panicking and crying and it’s not working for the time being, so he decides to take matters into his own hands. 

He takes a moment to contemplate exactly what to say, as speaking on a whim has never been one of his strong suits. Freddie’s hands are still engulfed by his own and sat on his lap, he’s caressing them and ever so gently pressing into them on and off rhythmically, trying (without speaking) to get Freddie to align and slow his breathing with his movements. 

He notices that it seems to be working a bit as he moves the other man’s palm to his lips pressing light kisses to the soft skin. 

As they’re sat there Jim can’t help but think of the first time he saw Freddie cry. Honestly he has no recollection of the events that led up to it, all he remembers is the way his face changed so suddenly — and he was so overwhelmed with the foreign situation that he began to cry as well and Fred really didn’t like that. Jim knows he has to keep it together now, make it seem like he’s totally fine — otherwise he’ll be adding even more stress to the current moment and make the man curled up next to him even more upset.

Jim knows now more than ever that Freddie doesn’t like to see anyone sad, in fact he hates negativity altogether. He also has observed the fact that he tends to bottle up emotions and once it eventually becomes too much he tries to talk them out, but sometimes they spill over too quickly and it seems like maybe that’s what happened tonight. 

Not completely trusting his voice quite yet he just begins to quietly hum the first song that comes to his head — he’s repeating the lyrics over and over again in his mind as they’re sat still on the carpeted floor. I can’t get over the way you love me like you do…

Freddie suddenly squeezes his hand lightly, and he takes it as a signal that he recognized the tune of the awful humming coming from his lips. 

Finally he gathers up the confidence to form actual words and turns to look directly at Freddie, he’s still got his eyes shut, tears stuck on his eyelashes. 

“Freddie my darling, listen to me yeah?” He asks softly, glad when his voice doesn’t falter. His throat is all dry and his heart is still heavy in his chest, but he’s happy to attempt to hide it all to help Fred get through this moment.

“I’m constantly amazed by you and your unwavering amounts of positivity and strength, and the seemingly limitless love and happiness you give off.” He speaks slowly giving his brain time to catch up. Freddie squeezes his hand once again, his breathing beginning to follow a better pattern. 

“Honestly sometimes I think you can’t possibly be human, you’re always laughing and smiling and your presence is so electric… it’s contagious, it really is.” Jim’s smiling at that, realizing once again how goddamned lucky he is. 

“But, not every moment has to be that way. You don’t have to always be tough and you most definitely do not always have to pretend everything is okay — especially with me. I’ve rarely seen you this way, and of course I hate seeing you upset, but I want you to know that what’s happening at the moment is completely alright with me. I’m always here for you and I’m not going anywhere, you know that by now.” 

Jim sighs. He’s seen Freddie brush things off and push feelings aside enough times to know that it’s a habit of his, to deal with problems later. He just wants him to know that it’s alright for him to feel completely thrown off guard and overwhelmed. In fact, some of the best moments of Jim’s life have occurred after he realized this same thing himself.

Too often he feels like he has to be the strongest guy around, especially with the spotlight constantly lighting his every move. 

Jim used to feel that way as well, actually it was around the time he first met Freddie that it finally started fading from him. He’s learned to be openly vulnerable, especially in his relationships, and it’s one of the reasons his life is so wonderful at the moment — the other big obvious reason being that he’s currently sharing his life with Freddie. 

Suddenly he’s snapped out of his thoughts when he hears a voice other than his own fill the small room. 

“What have I done to deserve you?” Freddie questions and Jim’s lips curl into a familiar sluggish smile. 

When Freddie’s on stage, his personality is very different from the times when he’s not performing. Since Jim hadn’t even know who he was at all before they first met — he’s never really had to differentiate the two. He’s always known Freddie in a sort of personal way that no one else has, and he considers himself very lucky. 

He’s not as confident as the public might think, in fact he’s quite the opposite, usually asking for others opinions and checking with their thoughts. He’s also sometimes very self-conscious, and it shows in moments like this. 

Jim has fallen in love both sides of Freddie, in fact he’s done it over and over again. Every kiss, every chuckle, and every outrageous idea — every moment he spends with him he grows to love him even more. In fact, he never really knew he was capable of giving this much of himself to someone else. He thinks Freddie probably shares the same exact feeling, that wondrous realization, when you know you’ve literally given all of your heart and all you’re capable of, to another person. It first hit him months back, but he thinks he’s getting yet another glimpse at it — and that makes him feel so incredibly whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH HI! so you made it to the end of the chapter! Please leave a kudos and/or comment if you liked it! The amount of feedback I got for the first chapter made me SO happy! I really hope you enjoyed this part as well. As always thank you SO much for reading, it really means the absolute world to me. lots of love!! -lindsey


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!!! long time no see!!! 
> 
> my apologies for the delay on updating this, I've been soooo busy with my new semester!! I hope you're all doing well, and I hope you like this final chapter. I've realized that I still focus mostly on Jim's feelings here, and honestly I'm not quite sure why that is lol. nonetheless I hope you enjoy reading this!!!

They’re still sat against the desk, both of Jim’s larger hands wrapped around Freddie’s single one resting on his thigh. He’s pressing feathery kisses to the side of his head, ever so quietly humming into his ear — and Jim delights in the fact that his gentle touches are helping calm the other man as his breathing is now finally slowing to a normal pace. As he glances at the clock on the wall he chuckles, somehow in Jim’s mind the time that had passed seemed like much longer than fifteen minutes.

He has to admit also that he feels a bit self conscious about how he handled things, a part of his head still swarming the way it was when he first drove to the studio. He shoves his own thoughts aside as soon as he feels Freddie shuffle his body and move his face toward him. For the first time since he’s been here he looks at Jim.

It’s not just a subtle glance by any means, he’s staring straight into his eyes like his life depends on it. Jim can’t help but feel another ping at his heart when he looks up and notices the redness covering Fred’s whole face and neck — a blush that is quite familiar to him, but he’s never seen it before in this context, never has he seen Freddie’s cheeks red from crying. _He hates it._

“So how was your day my love?” He says suddenly, sniffling after his words.

Jim just laughs to himself, wondering again how in the world he ended up in this lovely relationship. The man sat against him is quite easily the most selfless person he’s ever had the pleasure of knowing.

“It was fine, not very busy. Although I missed you terribly as usual, I couldn’t wait to get home.” Jim replies, a smile working its way to his face once more.

“I think we should go home now.” Freddie says quietly, shifting his weight as he tries to stand from their spot on the floor.

Jim nods and does the same, also he’s happy because he’s just realized his legs are starting to go a bit numb — he didn’t even notice the extent of it until now as his mind was simply wrapped up in Freddie’s panicked state.

——

Freddie wastes no time when they arrive back at the lodge, he’s got his coat and shoes off before Jim’s even had the chance to shut the door behind them.

Jim had discovered from Brian that the boys had dinner delivered to the studio a few hours back, so the question of making sure Freddie had eaten was already checked off his mental list.

They end up on the sofa, Freddie sprawled out against his chest — that happens to be his favorite position and Jim doesn’t mind at all. In fact, he loves it, the feeling of Freddie’s full weight on him.

Something ridiculous is showing across the television, it’s definitely not interesting enough to catch either Jim or Freddie’s attention. That might also be due to the fact that each of them devotes all of their attention to the other every second they spend together.

He can’t help but get lost in the feeling of Freddie against him and the way his face looks at the moment. It’s still a bit flushed, and surprisingly he doesn’t appear to be all that tired. Jim on the other hand felt like at any moment he could fall asleep. Even though he tries to hold it in, a massive yawn comes out of him and Fred reacts with a giggle, a little muffled due to the fact that his face is pressed against Jim.

He will never be able to get enough of moments like this — just the two of them, relaxing and doing nothing particularly worthwhile. Jim catches his mind wandering once more, thinking of the months ahead and hoping that he’ll be in this same situation many more times.

He hasn’t given up anything that was a part of his life before Freddie, he still has the same job, and same routines. But he realizes that something’s changed internally, he feels like a better person whenever he’s with him. This is the most authentic and true he has ever felt about his life up to this point, and that’s all thanks to Fred.

Jim knows that loving Freddie is the greatest thing that will ever happen to him, he feels so honored to be able to share life with someone so full of joy. He gives so much love and appreciation away to others constantly, and he doesn’t expect anything in return.

He finds it hard sometimes to explain exactly what it feels like to love someone so deeply, it’s almost like their relationship become an innate part of him, he feels like he’s known Freddie for his entire life.

And now, looking down on the man lying across his chest, and feeling their legs intertwined, he feels emotion wash over him again. It’s a strange feeling that he’s never been able to describe it to anyone, he can’t even compare it to anything else he’s ever felt. All he knows, is that he’s only ever felt this way in the midst of Freddie Mercury.

 

_I can’t get over the way you love me like you do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! so thank you so much literally thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my stories, I appreciate every single one of you and each kudos/comment I receive so much! It makes me so happy to know that others enjoy what I write!! I hope you're all doing well and I hope it won't be so long before I'm back next time!! 
> 
> Leave a kudos/comment if you feel so moved hahHAH!!
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely day! Lots of love from me!!!
> 
> -Lindsey

**Author's Note:**

> okay so obv there's gonna be another part to this!! hopefully i won't leave you hanging for too long LOL!! thank you SO much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed the first part of this story. feel free to leave a kudos and/or a comment if you liked it! they really do make me so incredibly happy ahhh! thank you again and have a lovely day!! (i'll see you soon!!!) love you <3


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